I think I’ve spent a third of my life dreaming. Another third is wasted on sleep and the rest, that small-ish in comparison 30% that’s left over, that’s life being lived. I constantly ask myself if I’m living my life to the fullest. Do you ever think about that? Do you ever wonder where the past few days, weeks or months have gone with little or no progress on goals you once set for yourself?

Every New Years Eve we give ourselves resolutions. I used to have a major Type-A list, numbered in the margins, that announced to myself what I was going to do this year – usually it fell along the lines of losing weight, exercising, learning to dress, fitting in skinny jeans, doing well in school or finding a boyfriend. Silly, childish thoughts. Without any actual plans to proceed these goals, they usually fell flat a few days after writing them down.

This year my resolution was to be happy. I believe I am doing fairly well on this resolution, although at times it can be a struggle. You may scoff, being happy is a struggle? Pop a piece of chocolate in your mouth = happiness. Right? Throw on an old episode of Sex & The City, grab a book and a cappuccino, a slice of cheesecake even – it all equals happiness. Right?

But no, it does not.

The struggle I speak of is the difference between being happy in this moment or being happy in the long run. Sure, that chocolate tastes great but will it help you lose weight (if that’s your goal)? There’s nothing more that I love in the world than curling up with a good book and a hot cup of tea, but will constant procrastinating help anything – the things I’m actually supposed to be doing – studying, cleaning, cooking – these things that fall to the wayside for the sake of my immediate “happiness”, but a week from now, am I going to be happy?

In this world, the only world our age really knows, everything is instant. I need my credit card payments to go through immediately so I can pay my phone bill right at this moment. If I send an email and I don’t get an immediate response, I’m furious – I need answers right now. Is Bret Micheals okay? Yes, one quick second on my iPhone, and I find he’s released from hospital. These things sound stupid, but the point is that whatever I want, no matter how small and insignificant it is, I get it right there and then.

I’m not used to waiting for happiness.

I understand the realities of the world. The necessities of going to school and working hard, but I choose to ignore them. Why delay gratification? Unfortunately, the things that will really make me happy are things I need to work for. Things I need to wait for. Losing weight means not eating crap. Getting fit means working out for weeks before seeing amazing results – nothing happens overnight. As much as I know all of this, I can’t help but pouting – I want it now.

My life lacks focus. My mind is all over the place, all the time. This has proven a confusing year. Something I think I’ve finished with might start again. But I know in order to really accomplish dreams, you have to make every second count. You can waste time reading when you’re really supposed to be doing something else. I can’t sit here and eat cheesecake and lose weight at the same time. Something has got to give.

There is no such thing as instant happiness. Not true, real life, long-lasting happiness. That will never be instant.

Think of your goals often. Write them down if it helps. Look at them. Think about what you’re doing, what you’re really doing at that moment – is it helping your goal? Or is it hindering it? Everyone needs to have a little fun, but fun should be a reward for accomplishing something. Focus. Happiness.

Do you want a smile on your face at this second of the day, or do you want a smile on your face for all the days of your life?

That’s the theme for the day. This is where my mind is at. Everything is possible, but nothing will happen without effort, a little sweat and maybe some tears. I’m an emotional wreck at times, so for me, tears are mandatory.

xoxo

Fab Brunette