Jun
2010
Life Plans: Do you believe in them?
Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about life plans. These thoughts always enter my head rather spontaneously, like the other night at dinner when Mister stepped out to use the bathroom and I was eavesdropping on the table of girls next to me. The girl was describing her coming year like this, “…this fall is going to be crazy for me, I have course A and course B, in August I have this internship finishing up, and then starting February I’ll be working for this and next March we have that week in Australia…”
And I sat there in disbelief wondering how someone could have their whole coming year planned out… I realise it’s quite a bit easier when you do go to school and you have a guideline to where your life is headed, but I’m still in awe of it. Do I have a life plan? Yes, so to speak, but nothing is set in stone, nothing is defined to the point where I can say with all self-assurance that “Yes, this is going to happen in my life in the following year.”
I wasn’t always like this, there was a time where I planned my life completely – as fictional as those plans seemed to be, I believed them to be true – if it was what I wanted, I technically planned for it.
When I was 18 these plans might have looked like this: Dump the guy I’m with, move to Toronto with my best friend and go to school there and live the fabulous single life. None of those happened except dumping the guy I was with. I then met another guy and constructed a different life plan: Marry said guy, have his babies, grow up in Hamilton and live a small and happy life. None of the above happened either, I think we split up a week after I “planned” this. Once I realised nothing I planned/dreamed for actually would happen, I stopped planning so much. I mean, there is a generalization of how I want my life to go: grow up happy, comfortably, travel, eat well, learn to cook – but there are no time limits on my life “plans”.
I recently discussed life plans with a friend and she had a definite idea of where she would be in 3.5 years: She would be working for one more year at her current position, then she would move into the home they purchased and transfer her job to the town she’s moving to, work for another 6 months, go for two weeks to Spain, Italy and Greece on their late honeymoon, have a baby and live happily ever after.
As a mother, I am constantly being asked “What’s in the plans?” “Where is Princess going to elementary school?” A question I’ve been forced to think about since being asked almost daily about it, regardless that registration starts next November and I’m not even sure where I’ll be living when it does come time for Princess to go to school. I suppose many mothers do that – plan their whole lives in order to get some kind of relief, to get a sense of control – mothers are usually the ‘bosses’ and need to do stuff like that. A mom at Princess’ preschool even knows which middle and high schools her daughter will be going to – all I want to know is how do you know you will live in that same house or in the same area for the next 14 years? And yet, they just know.
Sometimes I think it might be nice to know exactly where you’ll be for the next 14, 18, 20 years. But then I think, how unromantic! I mean, it might feel nice to be somewhat ‘stable’, but even as I write that my nose crinkles up as if rotten eggs had just entered the equation.
One thought that comes to mind is this: what happens when life doesn’t go according to plan? People have expectations of this life that’s supposed to happen and then it doesn’t, and then what? Some people pick up the pieces and move on, but others, some who are more fragile, or some who just put all their eggs in one basket and couldn’t even imagine another life, these people are devastated.
Life plans can’t be set in stone because life isn’t concrete. You have to be open to change – people change, life changes – it’s things we always tell ourselves but when faced with the realities of it, we tend to panic – this isn’t how it was supposed to be! this wasn’t how it was planned! I was supposed to be here! I was supposed to be with him or her! But you can’t live like that, no one can.
An acquaintance of mine recently fell apart, I wasn’t close to her but a friend of mine was and we’ve both been an audience in her life tragedy.
She married at 23 years old to a man she had dated for 3 years, they purchased a condo in Vancouver and looked happy. Like really happy. They had tried for years to have babies but it wasn’t easy, and after 9 years of being married she finally has a 6-month old daughter. What we all didn’t know was that her husband has turned down two job opportunities in different cities because she refused to move away from her family, and he’s unhappy in his current workplace. He quit without securing another position and she’s currently on maternity leave. Nevertheless it’s put a strain on their relationship and their financial situation.
She’s in a situation she had never dreamed of and it’s tearing her apart, but the thing you can never say to someone in this type of situation is all I could think of: people change – people don’t fall out of love as easily as you think, but they sometimes fall out of supporting their other half, being there with them through their ups and their downs, and helping them realise that even if life doesn’t go exactly as planned that your love for them will always be there.
I feel like life isn’t about making plans, life is about having fun, sharing moments, giving kisses, taking what life throws our way and making the best of it, and knowing that even if everything doesn’t go according to plans that it will all turn out alright – we will all be okay, even better, we will all be fabulous.
What do you think? Do you make serious and concrete life plans? Or do you take things as they come? How do you feel about life plans?
xoxo
Fab Brunette
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leigh ashley
June 15, 2010 at (1099 days ago)i think you just wrote down my thoughts. i agree 100% with everything you wrote. i used to be a planner: get married at 22, have kids and live happily ever after. i had a certain guy and money obviously was no issue. ha. i have a great guy, but he's not anything like i planned and i'm 27 and we're still not married. and money… it's definitely an issue. funny how we think we can control everything when in reality, we can't control much at all… except the attitude we live life with!
Gagamil12
June 15, 2010 at (1099 days ago)One of my best friends is always talking about how she feels as if she is wasting her youth and how much she has missed. She planned picture-perfect teenage years and it didn't happen and now she's beating herself about it. I used to be like that, but now I'm starting to let go all those Hollywood teen ideals. It doesn't make sense, it won't happen, why sweat about it then?
The best things in life can't be planned, that's what I say!
LivitLuvit
June 15, 2010 at (1099 days ago)I'm done making plans. I've learned my lesson. From now on, I'm just going to go where it takes me
manolochoolou
June 15, 2010 at (1099 days ago)This is an excellent post (written very eloquently)!
I think having some kind of life plan is helpful just for general direction purposes. I envy those people who just pick up and move to a new city on a whim and without a plan–it must be exhilarating and terrifying at the same time! Me? I can't live like that. I need to have some sort of firm ground beneath me before I do anything too drastic. It was hard enough for me to move to Boston without a job lined up (even though I had shelter and a loving spousal equivalent waiting here for me).
So, yes, I think life plans are good. I think giving consideration to the future helps you to realize goals and “the bigger picture.” At the same time, I think I feel more alive than I ever had before just taking things as they come.
Nora_L
June 15, 2010 at (1099 days ago)Totally corny but I still agree with what John Lennon said “life is what happens when you're busy making other plans.” It's SO true. We can make plans until we are blue in the face but when it comes down to it, life is going to throw curveballs & fastballs at us all the time and it's up to us to include that into our plan, change our plan, or throw it entirely out the window. I'm a firm believer in having some sort of plan, only because I feel “safer” with a back-up at all times but I also love to just go through things with a general idea of what I want to happen. If it does, great. If it doesn't, onto the next thing. One thing I do know for sure is that you (as in the universaly you) can't enjoy life unless you're doing your best to live in the moment.
Beautifully written post (love the photos too!)
woodlandsblonde
June 15, 2010 at (1099 days ago)I feel like it's nice to have goals, but you can never know exactly what's going to happen. I plan, with the intention of following through, but I am well aware that I am not in control of anything – besides what I say and how I act….only what I do.
You can't control other people, their thoughts, or other situations. I trust in God to lead me on whatever path I must take – some easy, some difficult. I really just pray a lot and try to do the right thing!
Mama in the City
June 15, 2010 at (1099 days ago)Oh man, this is a hot topic in our house. I used to be a mega life planner but since having a young child I find myself more living in the moment and more fixed with where I am right now. My husband would love to pick up and be nomads and just live elsewhere with no roots….my personality is not that at all. I am happy putting down roots as a family. Having the same things and the same traditions, etc etc. I love my husband's passion and zest but it also makes me realize 1 thing….. I love living in Vancouver and raising my family here.
Veronica
June 15, 2010 at (1099 days ago)I couldn't agree more with all you have written. I too used to be all about “The Plan!” I always telling family and friends.. “You have to stick to The Plan,” like it was some production or something. Then I as soon as I hit 18 I realized that life was not going to be what I thought it would be. Although I don't necessarily disregard planning per say, I've learned to be more adaptable to “living in the moment.” Things just don't always happen according to plan and part of being an adult is learning to take the good with the bad. There are things I absolutely abide though, but these things usually have to do with medical, financial, and retirement type of things.
Oh and your description of, “people change – people don’t fall out of love as easily as you think, but they sometimes fall out of supporting their other half,” is right on. I think a lot of times we all go through a time when we have to realize that being in a relationship (any type of a relationship), is not only about loving the other person, but about letting them go out and follow their own hopes and dreams.
steph anne
June 16, 2010 at (1099 days ago)I need a “like” button for this post! First of all, I love the quotes! I've always been a big dreamer so I love kind of having an idea of what I want to happen in the next few years. Right when I was graduating from college, I kind of had a panic because I didn't know where I'd be within the next few months. I hated that…it drove me crazy! Now I'm fine with having dreams and ideas of where I'd like to be.
angie
June 16, 2010 at (1099 days ago)I think you will get the first opposing opinion on your blog…
I was and have never been a planner, 29 years of NOT planning! Not horrible, but not really great… the only plans I did I have I made happen, they weren't plans as much as I wanted. But I am the opposite of the most of you, my 2 kids have taught me that no plan makes no goal, makes no concrete items happen!
I think planning is super important… it's being open to the idea that the plans might change, alter, derail and take it all with a grain of salt. Life is changes, plans are how you forsee the future and without any plans you really can't move forward. I haven't mastered the PLAN and I wish I was anal enough to have a plan for everything, I lack LISTS in my life… I need more lists. But planning really could give you a guide line, and plans about things you can be certain about… plans that can be concrete.
I live on a day to day, but I anticipate the change, look forward to it almost embrace it, because change can be a ton of fun if you allow it to come into your life. And why NOT plan to travel to every city… that sounds like a great plan!
Stilettos And Coffee
June 18, 2010 at (1096 days ago)Throwing out the plans!!!! Great Post!!!!
skinny_dip
June 23, 2010 at (1091 days ago)Its only recently that I have really started to plan things but they are more along the lines of intentions/goals for the next year or two. I don't really want to plan where I am going to be living for the next 20 years because like you, I feel like that takes the excitement/romance out of life & also sets you up for disappointment. However, I might feel differently in the future ie. when I have kids. So, I think what you said its true: regardless of what you plan you need to allow room for change/flexibility and most of all…fun
Amy
January 8, 2011 at (892 days ago)Thanks for the thoughtful post and sharing your feelings and thoughts on this topic. For my life I have used both a planned and spontaneous approach. I try plan goals – both general and specific and hold myself accountable to them. Funny how when you write them down, and stick with them, you eventually do complete them! But at the same time – I go with my gut instinct, imagination or inspiration to change and guide my goals. Does that make any sense?