If there's one lesson I've learned in my life, so far, that I can pass on to your wondrous ears (or eyes), is to never assume anything. Oh, you've heard this one before? Well, how often do you actually follow it?

I believe this to be one of life's most important lessons. When you assume something, anything, about anybody, you're also in danger of passing on some kind of judgement, which is also a faux pas in my eyes.

Case in point: last year I worked at a high end department store, the type that many people don't even want to go into because they think the staff are snobby and everything is overpriced. When I first got the job, I was asked many times how people perceive me, how I act when I first meet people, because they were trying to change the image they have acquired and were looking for staff who could look beyond appearances and still be friendly and approachable. Fat chance.

In a competitive commission-based work environment I quickly learned that the staff judged everybody – from shoppers to fellow employees. A peer who became a good friend quickly taught me how to tell "if someone had money" by checking out their watch, their shoes, their clothes, their hair – etc. He taught me how to spot the "fake ballers" who used fake credit cards (while wearing Gucci shoes no less) to the "really really rich" people who purchased modest-looking yet highly expensive goods – Prada loafers, Hermes belts, Ralph Lauren Black Label – things the average person might not notice as 'brand names', but we, as gold-diggers sellers of these goods, notice and we know that these are the big spenders.

There's only one major flaw to this plan – that admittedly did work most of the time – the staff ignored people who didn't look like this. The construction worker, the moms with strollers, the teenagers shopping with friends – all of which perceived that we were high-on-our-own-ass bitches (men included).  I, on the other hand, pursued all of these people. Construction workers shopping at high-end department stores are usually contractors buying something while on their lunch, while they have a quick moment to pick up a present or a nice suit for later on that night. Moms with toddlers will gladly purchase tons of things if you only pay attention to them and give them some conversation – they're with children all day, they seek people! Real life adults! And they spend!

The job was only a temporary position, filling in for another girl's maternity leave, and upon leaving I decided not to continue working there (I was given the option to), basically because I found myself changing a bit into something I didn't like – but that's a whole different story.

The tale to tell here is about never assuming anything.

I agreed to be a bridesmaid for a fake friend's wedding. At the time that she asked me to be part of her wedding, we were slightly closer, but since then things have really fallen apart – not quite on my end, but more on J's part. J and her fiance were best friends, but not so close anymore, and really for the past year haven't seen eye to eye on anything, never talk, never hang out. I believe J was asked to be the best man as more of a gesture to memories past. But this story is about moi, not J.

Anyway, when she asked me to be a bridesmaid, I was kinda excited – I mean, I love weddings, and although I've planned over 40 weddings, I've never actually been in a bridal party. I know, crazy right? So I got excited, imagining days of conference calls deciding on last minute details, plans for a fun bridal shower, the bachelorette party – oh, all the fun that it would entail!

HA! (was that you or me?)

I've realised that being a bridesmaid also entails purchasing a lot of things that I had always thought of as being given. For free. Such as the bridesmaid dress. Oh no! That was my purchase. And I thought that all brides purchased the dress of their bridesmaids as a gift! Dress: $215. That I will unlikely ever wear again. Shoes: $80. That pinch my feet and are on the tacky side. Gift for bridal shower: $100. Time and effort spent sewing bridal shower centrepieces together, setting up the massive shower, picking out a cake and cake topper: more time and more money than you can afford!

No really. That's almost $400 (mental math, I'm not pulling out my calculator) I've spent so far. On what? On stress. On headaches. On things I don't want to do.

Picking out the bridal shower cake, that's a story. I was told that I can design a cake of my dreams and that the MOH (her sister) and MOB would pay for it – OMG I was in heaven. I went on CakeCentral.com probably every night for 3 weeks. Checked out TheKnot.com, checked out Martha Stewart, flipped through magazines – the works! I had a few different ideas. But suddenly, the bride wanted in on it. She wanted to know all about it (she's a control freak, like me), so I gave in and told her my different ideas.

We went to the cake shop together. She vetoed ALL of my ideas (… all that time wasted on the net surfing cakes… ), and we ended up with a plain yet simple and somewhat stylish design, and we decided on a monogrammed cake topper with a couple of crystals on it, a big "B" on top of her cake. And when we ordered the topper, she gave my phone number to the girl and told me that I could pick up the topper when it came in. Which confused me. But whatever.

The weekend of her bridal shower: I scored a deal! I knew a girl who worked at the shop where we ordered the cake topper – she was coming to the shower as well so she said she would bring the topper with her AND give the 40% discount – dropping the price of the topper to $50. Perfect! Or so I thought. I kept getting harassed by everyone in the bridal party (mainly her family) about the cake topper – where is it? when is it coming? why didn't you pick it up? Finally I snapped and in my quiet hushed "scary" tone I quickly told them that I had NO car to go pick it up and had NO money to purchase it – I also mentioned that the girl would be bring it and she got them a discount. That shut them up, I'm sure I was the the talk of the night though, after I left.

The day of the bridal shower, the bride informs me that I can go pick up the cake and that her sister will pay me back for half of it. What?? Half of what? The cake? I don't understand – am I buying this goddamn cake? Am I buying the cake topper?? Why would you make the assumption that I have $200 lying around to purchase a goddamn cake for you? I quickly informed her of the NO CAR situation and she said her other sister would pick it up.

That's right, two sisters and a cousin in the wedding party, and I'm the one being asked to pay for half the cake and the cake topper. Fuming. Seriously. I ended up playing my cards right and not having to pay for anything by avoiding it, and also asking if anyone had paid the girl for the topper yet (to which I'm sure they were all thinking, weren't you paying for it? but no one said anything outloud.)

So, mental math here, $600 I was expected to spend as a bridesmaid.  $600.

The other day the bride calls me and we're talking and the conversation starts going no where, as always, since she has no interests in her life but her work and her upcoming wedding and gossip, which is meaningless to me since it's always very spiteful sounding coming from her (ie. not fun gossip). And we start talking about our significant others' work, how they're doing and all that, and I admit that we're not doing that good.

And she says, "Oh you guys are fine! He works everyday! You guys have money!"

W O W.

Well, no, my dear, we're NOT doing fine. He works everyday and for what? To fix up mistakes of the workers? Trying to sue people so they will pay him? What money do we have? Is this why I'm looking for a job to pay for our mortgage – because we have enough money?? Is that why we're selling our loft? Because we have money?

Of course, I told her this in a more friendly way, because, after all, I'm supposed to be in her wedding. Ugh.

Lesson of the day people: NEVER ASSUME ANYTHING.

Don't assume someone has upwards of $600 to spend on your big day. Don't assume people are poor when they're not. Don't assume what people are feeling. Don't assume that everything's fine. Don't assume everything's wrong.

If you really want to know, ask. Just don't assume.

It drives me crazy.

xoxo