You know that feeling you get when you realise you’ve gained weight? That sick to your stomach feeling? It usually occurs when:
1. You realise none of your pants fit. How did this happen? How did you not realise it? (answer: because you’ve been wearing sweat pants everyday at home.)
2. You have one pair of pants that fit. A black slightly dressy pair, from Theory. That are of a stretchy yoga-pant-like material. Which is why they still fit.
3. You also threw out all your “fat” clothes because you told yourself you’d never get back here. So you’re stuck wearing these dressy black pants while still trying to be cool and casual on a Saturday afternoon.
4. You succumb to your uniform of all black, yet again. Black tank top, black pants, Spanx.
5. You realise your thighs have gotten so fat that the Spanx that supposedly don’t show where they end and where your thighs begin have failed you. There is an obvious and noticeable jump from trim thighs to splurge of fat.
6. You show off your huge breasts. Because they’re mainly made of fat. So they’re huge.
7. Top off the outfit with pearls and Manolos, that pinch your feet but lift your spirits so everyone wins. Right?