Reason 453: Why I Need to Diet

03
May
2009

Reason 453: Why I Need to Diet

You know that feeling you get when you realise you’ve gained weight? That sick to your stomach feeling? It usually occurs when:

1. You realise none of your pants fit. How did this happen? How did you not realise it? (answer: because you’ve been wearing sweat pants everyday at home.)

2. You have one pair of pants that fit. A black slightly dressy pair, from Theory. That are of a stretchy yoga-pant-like material. Which is why they still fit.

3. You also threw out all your “fat” clothes because you told yourself you’d never get back here. So you’re stuck wearing these dressy black pants while still trying to be cool and casual on a Saturday afternoon.

4. You succumb to your uniform of all black, yet again. Black tank top, black pants, Spanx.

5. You realise your thighs have gotten so fat that the Spanx that supposedly don’t show where they end and where your thighs begin have failed you. There is an obvious and noticeable jump from trim thighs to splurge of fat.

6. You show off your huge breasts. Because they’re mainly made of fat. So they’re huge.

7. Top off the outfit with pearls and Manolos, that pinch your feet but lift your spirits so everyone wins. Right?

11 Comments on Reason 453: Why I Need to Diet

Andhari Z Sidharta
May 3, 2009 at (1483 days ago)

AHHH and let’s not forget being afraid to wear jeans.
Some people think I barely wear jeans because I wanna be all this classy chic with stylish cigarette pants, skirts or mini dresses but I actually kinda am afraid that if I wear jeans I’ll quickly know if I gain weight.
Scary!:P
LiLu
May 3, 2009 at (1483 days ago)

6. You show off your huge breasts. Because they’re mainly made of fat. So they’re huge.
Amen, sister. *Shakes tatas*
Margarita
May 3, 2009 at (1483 days ago)

J totally loves this part of being “juicy”, he doesn’t use the ‘F’ word, LOL
Sent from my iPhone
Maternal Tales
May 3, 2009 at (1483 days ago)

Oh I’m so with you. I think I am officially obsessed with food. My diet starts tomorrow, but in the meantime, I am sitting here with the top button of my jeans undone trying to pretend that it doesn’t mean anything, when we all know that it does… (
Sara
May 3, 2009 at (1483 days ago)

Ha! I love those and they are soooo true… although, I am LACKING in the boobie department.. my lovely body thought it would be just SWELL to loose boobie size after each pregnancy! =( lol
** Thanks for the bday comment! **
And YEA for finding another Zac Brown listener!!! lol
Sara
May 3, 2009 at (1483 days ago)

Ha! I love calling that yucky “F” word JUICY!!
Deb
May 3, 2009 at (1483 days ago)

I’m with ya! Sometimes I love spring, but sometimes I hate it, too. All the layers come off and it’s too hot to wear my sweaters that hide that muffiny top.
nashe
May 3, 2009 at (1483 days ago)

HAH. The whole all-black, pants not fitting thing… I’ve been there! Nearly made me cry. lulz
Rae Ann
May 6, 2009 at (1480 days ago)

Get out of my head! That list could totally have written about my life. I about had a panic attack this morning when I had a dr. apt. and all my pants were in the wash. Oh! the dreaded muffin top!
LiLu
December 24, 2009 at (1248 days ago)

6. You show off your huge breasts. Because they're mainly made of fat. So they're huge.
Amen, sister. *Shakes tatas*